The divided self, confusing ‘me’ with ‘I AM,’ is never satisfied, but lives as if the divine breast was dry, pretending to be full, but being empty, does not nourish anymore. When wisdom turns and sees the fullness of ‘I AM,’ together with the emptiness that is infinite capacity to fulfil desire, there is recognition that desire is actually always emptiness with infinite capacity to fill its radiant emptiness, infinite completeness that nourishes desire for infinite completeness. The generous breast ran dry long ago to turn us back from ‘me’ to ‘I AM,’ but vainglory became addicted to magical God-substitutes, things whose magic never satisfied, but left the divided self divided and confused. Each magical object veiled the glory of ‘I AM,’ usurping God as one conditioned God-substitute after another. The magic appeared to be working, because wisdom was being pushed away and the Name was not hallowed. But such magic failed to satisfy because God is unconditioned and no conditioned substitute can ever replace unconditioned nourishment. The divine breast is unconditioned, fulfilling desire unconditionally. Completeness is infinite capacity to nourish incompleteness completely, the tree of life which though very, very old, endlessly yields wisdom’s fruits that infinitely satisfy. A life-time in search of wisdom ends when the seeker is exposed as delusion, leaving wisdom satisfied, not with herself, but with the glory of the hallowed Name. The tree of ‘I AM’ is nourishing, granting an unconditional, loving embrace of the divided self, healing ‘me’ by turning ‘me’ right round into ‘I AM.’ Confusion dissolves into communion the same moment that division releases into union. The divine Amma nourishes ‘me’ with her breast of ‘I AM,’ at the same moment that the divine Abba recognises ‘me’ with his sustaining gaze, as ‘I AM,’ saying: Thou art beloved, my dear son, for thou art ‘I AM,’ awakening to ‘I AM,’ and my Spirit abides in thee as ‘I AM,’ returning thee to ‘I AM,’ through ‘I AM.’
Recognition coincides with regeneration when Abba recognition conjoins with Amma regeneration, the reintegration and nourishment of wisdom’s embrace of glory, restoring in the Name what magic, falling short of unconditioned glory, cannot satisfy. Wisdom as Abba recognition satisfies, because ‘I AM,’ the Father, recognises in ‘I AM,’ his beloved son, and wisdom as Amma regeneration satisfies, because ‘I AM,’ the Holy Spirit, bears her breast of nourishing completeness, infinite capacity to fulfil the unsatisfied desire of incompleteness for completeness. When Abba recognition conjoins with Amma regeneration, the only begotten ‘I AM’ is loved, only to release into ‘I AM,’ as love releasing into love, love unconditionally unveiling the dance of love, love’s Song of Songs, love’s Bridal Chamber of conjoined Cherubim, hidden in the Holy of Holies. The Beloved Disciple, leaning on the breast of the Beloved, hears God’s heart beat. She listens to the wisdom songs of God in the Holy of Holies. She imparts seven ‘I AM’ sayings with names and seven ‘I AM’ sayings without names in her Gospel. She reinterprets many synoptic parables as seven Johannine signs, transfiguring her seven demons into seven mysteries of glory, glory restored to sevenfold glory in the Name. Leaning on his breast, she not only hears his heart, but in union with his heart, gives birth to the Church through resurrection, discerns him generating Baptism as living water from his side and is one spirit with him as he imparts Eucharist as his regenerating body and blood. One with his heart, she is one with his life-blood poured out for all, one with his gift of eternal life in the Spirit, one Song of Songs with his revelation of truth in the Holy of Holies.
One with his heart, the Beloved Disciple is his Bride, the Church, conjoined with him in the Holy of Holies as the New Jerusalem, the City of God, which has no separate temple because she is his temple, for by grace, she is him. One with his Spirit, she is the unconscious heart of all patriarchal religion, the mystic glory that weds God beyond every narrow contraction and shallow constriction of his radiant heart. She is wisdom leaning on his breast, breathing his breath in the kiss, closer than breathing as ‘I AM’ in his midst, in her midst. His Holy of Holies is her Bridal Chamber, where Cherubim conjoin and sing their Cherubic Hymn. Mary, his mother, and Mary, his bride, went home from Golgotha to Bethany united, one mystical wisdom of the Cross, concealed from every profane attempt to scrutinise the hallowing mystery. The identity of the Beloved Disciple was concealed, but the Beloved Disciple was remembered in the Gospel, Epistles and Revelation of Saint John. The Holy of Holies was not profaned. The Bridal Chamber was concealed and the bride and groom were unnamed at the Wedding in Cana of Galilee. Their kenosis is our revelatory incorporation into their Song of Songs, because their unnamed union was always the mystic union of his heart and hers, the radiant heart of the mystical Church. To the extent that the Church is one with her heart, it is naught but his heart and hers, his ‘I AM’ in her midst, healing the confusion that divides the self, curing addiction with his recognition and her regeneration. As each magical symbol opens to deifying union in the Holy of Holies, every narrow contraction of their love and every shallow constriction of their radiance releases into glory, the glory of their union in the Holy of Holies. Wisdom in him and glory in her are the Abba wisdom and Amma glory of our redemption, Lover and Beloved hidden in the Holy of Holies, the wisdom and glory of ‘I AM,’ radiant in our midst.